hammer and a nail

okay, after the “explosion”, I feel much calmer now . . . hehehe

Here’s another song on heavy rotation:

HAMMER AND A NAIL

Clearing webs from the hovel
a blistered hand on the handle of a shovel
I’ve been digging too deep, I always do.
I see my face on the surface
I look a lot like narcissus
A dark abyss of an emptiness
Standing on the edge of a drowning blue.
I look behind my ears for the green
Even my sweat smells clean
Glare off the white hurts my eyes
Gotta get out of bed get a hammer and a nail
Learn how to use my hands, not just my head
I think myself into jail
Now I know a refuge never grows
From a chin in a hand in a thoughtful pose
Gotta tend the earth if you want a rose.
I had a lot of good intentions
Sit around for fifty years and then collect a pension,
Started seeing the road to hell and just where it starts.
But my life is more than a vision
The sweetest part is acting after making a decision
I started seeing the whole as a sum of its parts.
My life is part of the global life
I’d found myself becoming more immobile
When I’d think a little girl in the world can’t do anything.
A distant nation my community
A street person my responsibility
If I have a care in the world I have a gift to bring.

the aftermath . . .

*** WARNING: RANTING AND RAVING AHEAD. YOU DON’T HAVE TO READ THIS. I’M JUST VENTING ***

So, the day that my group and I sacrificed our sleep for, has come and gone. Our defense for our Systems Analysis and Design was yesterday . . . and all the fucking work was wasted! I had such high hopes yesterday. Like a feeling that it was going to be over soon and I could once again get some decent sleep.

Yesterday was an exercise in frustration. Frustration over the injustice of it all. Who has ever heard of a defense where the goddamn panelists are students not yet out of school? Students who haven’t even made their thesis’ yet? Students who weren’t even listening to our presentation, but were chatting with each other as if our work wasn’t important. Okay, so the program wasn’t perfect, but hell it was better than nothing.

System Analysis isn’t just about the implementation of a software, but more importantly it is about analyzing the existing system and making a solution. It wasn’t necessary for us to deliver the software (that’s where software engineering comes in) at all. Instead, they all focused on the program. We keep telling them to ask us about the system design . . . ask us about the UML diagrams, the flow of the system, but oh no, they keep badgering us about the program not being user friendly. Hello? Those are just minor details that can be implemented as soon as the main function of the program was finished. How can they expect us to deliver to them an exemplary documentation containing our system design and at the same time a fully working program in less than a three weeks? As the programmer, I had to wait for the design concocted by the system anlayst, plus I had to learn a new methodology in a few days time (seriously limiting my creative flow). All in all, I probably only had two to three days to actually make the program. Haven’t they heard of the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid!) principle? I had no choice but to keep it simple.

God, I want to murder someone right now. From a professional in the field of system analysis, we can probably accept the score we got, but from mere students, who think they’re much better, but couldn’t even understand what a fucking conceptual framework is or what a UML diagram is. . . that’s just too much to accept. I especially didn’t like the panelist in the middle (there were three). He always managed to ask us a question, that for me was so condescending. I just wanted to shove my heels in his face just to wipe that arrogant smirk off of it (bastard!). Apparently I wasn’t the only one in the group. I think all of us were seriously contemplating bodily harm of some sort on the guy. I mean, that was probably the first time I heard Nathaniel curse, and he’s usually mild mannered.

They didn’t even give us the courtesy of at least man lang dressing appropriately. There we were, uncomfortable in our formals and they were wearing t-shirts and jeans with tennis shoes pa. They were so young . . . definitely younger than three of us in the group. Assholes. Fucking pricks. They made a goddamn mockery of not just our work but the entire Sysdes class. I just know the other groups are gonna be mutilated, except for maybe one. Good luck guys. You’re definitely gonna need it.

I have to stop now . . . I’m getting a headache again.

‘ala lang

Just clearing my head before I get back to work. How is this clearing my head, you may ask . . . well wala lang . . . trip hehehe . . . what can I say, I’m easily amused

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you’re weird… But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

Your Dominant Thinking Style:

Experimenting You’re all about looking at the facts, and you could always use more of them. You see life as your lab – and you’re always trying out new things, people, and ideas. The master of mix and match, you’re always coming up with unique combinations. You are good at getting a group to reach consensus.

Your Secondary Thinking Style:

Exploring You thrive on the unknown and unpredictable. Novelty is your middle name. You are a challenger. You tend to challenge common assumptions and beliefs. An expert inventor and problem solver, you approach everything from new angles. You show people how to question their models of the world.

What’s Your Thinking Style?

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Your Hidden Talent

You have the natural talent of rocking the boat, thwarting the system. And while this may not seem big, it can be. It’s people like you who serve as the catalysts to major cultural changes. You’re just a bit behind the scenes, so no one really notices.

What’s Your Hidden Talent?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you’re told that you’re loved.

You’d like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful… that you’ll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything… no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You’ll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don’t need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

when you find the one

Another song that I like:

“When You Find The One”

Well I was a slick midwestern gal
On a long hard road into southern cal
Didn’t find any crime fillin’ up all my time
I had the devil in my bones and an angel on my mind

and I drank up all the movies and I searched for happy endings
I turned love inside out till I was perfectly pretending
still I believed it could be true

that when you find the one
There’s no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one
when you find the one

Yeah you could say that I was crazy I was that kinda girl
I had to open up a lot of oysters before I found myself a pearl
I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my grass was green enough
had to be face down in the gutter to see what is and isn’t love

Then I woke from all the dreaming to your taste and to your laughter
I cried till I was dry and now live my ever after
I believe I always knew

When you find the one
There’s no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one
When you find the one

And when you make the choice to believe in your existence
with hello you will know when you find the one

I believe it could be true
yes I believe I always knew
and I believe it could be true
and believe i always knew

when you find the one
There’s no question in the silence
All is said and done when you find the one

And when you make the choice to believe in your existence
with hello you will know when you find the one

with hello you will know

bored part deux . . .

I was bored so I took this survey and guess what . . .I’m still bored. Ah hell here it is:

What makes you laugh?: all sorts of things
Who is your hero?: not really heroes more like mentors . . . ang dami nila
Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?: definitely someone from my high school days or someone from my days in ACLC . . . just unfinished business hehehe . . no not that kind of business you pervert lol
How many pairs of shoes do you own?: um . . . two or three . . . i think
Seriously… Where does the other sock end up?: on my other foot . . .
Who do you blame for your mood today?: no one special
If the Internet were sex… I would: I can’t write what came to mind . . . too x-rated an answer hehehe
Have you ever seen a dead body?: yeah
What is something scientists need to invent?: space travel . . .
What should we do with stupid people?: live with them or. . . . we could put them on another planet?
Have you ever broken a bone?: nope . . misplaced lang
Do you watch local news? Why?: yep . . . just to be updated on what other mischief President Arroyo has been up to . . .
What happens after you die?: I become food for worms . . .
How big is your bed? Big enough?: enough
How long do you think you will live?: till I’m at least in my late eighties or early nineties . . just a feeling

Random Thought Provokers brought to you by BZOINK!

weekend . . .

A very Happy Birthday to my mom!!!

What a weekend . . . the Palo fiesta(on the 6th) was blessed with a wonderful day. It rained a bit in the afternoon, but rain during a fiesta is considered a blessing so no harm done

The food was great. Hey, who am I to say no to lechon(roasted pig) . . . or the salad(a mixture of tuna with mayonnaise, lettuce and onions) made by one of my aunts . . . yum! I kept teasing two of my cousins cuz they wouldn’t eat the onions . . . I mean come on! Onions are so yummy hehehe . . .

The rain in the afternoon did make my mom a bit worried as she was planning to celebrate her birthday(on the 7th. Today) at the newly aquired fish pond in San Joaquin. Since it was fairly new, that meant that there was nowhere to take shelter from, if it rained. Fortunately, the weather cooperated and we were blessed with a day free from rain, even if it was slightly overcast. My mom must have prayed really hard for the weather to hold hehehe . . .

Anyway, I’m a bit tired now . . . c’ya!

yesterday

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I introduced one of my best friends to Friendster and now she’s finally a member. Yay! Feeling bagets hehehe . . . anyway, she brought along her little girl, Ianna (unique name huh?), which is supposed to be a nickname. Her full name is R-ianna Gabrielle. Cute I bonded with my goddaughter while her mom explored the wonders of the internet.

That’s Ian in the picture. I keep calling her Ian instead of the designated nickname . . . fortunately her mom doesn’t mind

baby, don’t you break my heart slow

Another song on heavy rotation in my cd player. This the version with Emily Saliers of the Indigo Girls. I do love that woman’s voice hehehe . . .

BABY, DON’T YOU BREAK MY HEART SLOW

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky

(ah ah ah ah)
I was believing in you
(ah ah ah ah)
Was I mistaken
Do you say
Do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

But I’d rather you be mean
Than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth
And have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow
At least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow
No

I like the way you’d hold me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you’d say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping

(ah ah ah ah)
I was believing in you
(ah ah ah ah)
Was I mistaken
Do you mean
Do you mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

Well I’d rather you be mean
(you be mean)
Than love and lie
(than lie)
I’d rather hear the truth
(hear the truth)
And have to say goodbye
(goodbye)
I’d rather take a blow
(I would know)
At least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow
No

Your would run around and lead me on forever
Oh while I wait at home still thinking we’re together
I wanted our love to last forever
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

(ah ah ah ah) I was believing in you (ah ah ah ah)

I’d rather you be mean
(you be mean)
Than love and lie
(than lie)
I’d rather hear the truth
(hear the truth)
And have to say goodbye
(say goodbye)
I’d rather take a blow
(oh)
At least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow
(no)
Don’t love and lie
(don’t lie)
I’d rather hear the truth
(wanna hear the truth)
And have to say goodbye
(say goodbye)
I’d rather take a blow
At least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow
Baby don’t you break my heart slow